It’s been quite a tumultuous time lately. The pandemic has disrupted our lives, but it has also revealed our resilience and capacity to adapt.

In some ways, it has improved our lives; in other ways, we seem lost, drifting. I enjoy seeing all the places, visiting my country of birth, but at times, being on the road all the time does get to me. These uncertain times have brought new-found freedoms and opportunities, but it’s been a rocky road.

Emotional Struggles and External Factors

I’ve witnessed dreams and plans we have been working on for almost five years crumble before our eyes. Usually, I am optimistic, but the pandemic brought about a cascade of revoked opportunities and financial uncertainties. Those travel and immigration plans? They feel like distant memories now, shattered and buried under the weight of financial setbacks and dashed hopes.

The evolving nature of viruses leaves us wondering if we’ll ever truly get back to that place called ‘normalcy.’ The company in New Zealand have already stated they are considering employing locally. I am not sure how long that job offer will still be on the table. Occasionally, it gets to me, and I get really resentful and angry. I typically feel ashamed about it afterwards.

Family

Here I am, feeling sorry for myself and being angry because we could not get on a plane to another country when we were supposed to. There are people who are much worse off than we are. My brother’s organ transplant was postponed when lockdowns were initiated in 2020, and his chances of having a normal, healthy life are reduced day by day. We have no idea when it will happen any more.

I speak to my mother every Sunday and witness her mental state deteriorating, which worries me deeply. The forced isolation in the retirement village is taking a toll on her mental health. COVID-19 is not the only thing that can kill the elderly. Impairing her mental capability and human interactions can have far greater impact and long-term consequences than contracting the virus. I am not sure how long she will still be around if things don’t normalise soon.

I hope everybody is ok. Phone calls from Namibia to South Africa are expensive. I have found it is cheaper to register a Skype number in Namibia, and make phone calls home from within the Skype App. It is a fraction of the cost of an international call, since phone calls register as local calls from within the same country. Despite that, I hate feeling helpless, knowing there is little I can do that will ever improve their situation. In some ways, I avoid regular contact.

Shifting Work Environment

As the world tries to reclaim a sense of routine, I’ve noticed a change in the employment landscape. Remote work and freelance opportunities, once abundant, now seem scarcer as employees slowly return to their physical workplaces.

It’s a constant struggle to adapt and keep up with the shifting tides. Most of my smaller freelance clients have closed their doors, and many of the bigger ones have decided to keep work internal to save on expenses.

Striving for Balance

Some people seem to have it all figured out, effortlessly juggling travel and earning a living. But for me, it’s been a series of trials and errors. I’m still trying to navigate this unpredictable terrain, searching for side-hustles that complement my volunteer work while keeping the bills paid.

Despite the challenges, there’s a glimmer of hope. Adaptability is key. I am a quick study, and I am one of the most adaptable people I know. I’m constantly exploring new ways to blend my passion for volunteering with sustainable income, but I need to try to focus on one area. With the number of scams out there, it is difficult to judge which one that should be. Too many irons, too much information… I am exhausted.

Once again, I have started copywriting for Captain Words. They offered me a permanent position, but for the amount of work that goes into researching, writing and editing those articles, their remuneration is terrible. With what I spend to stay connected to be able to do the work, it feels at times like I am paying them to do the work. It is actually costing me money. It is not a way to make a full-time income. A full-time job position it is, but it barely covers the basics. Should I take it?

Challenges in Namibia

We have been in Namibia for a while now. The Ministry of Home Affairs has once again refused to issue my passport and ID. We have travelled to where I was born in Tsumeb, where my dad worked, where we lived, and gathered as much information and documents as possible to prove my birth and my citizenship.

The only way to resolve this is apparently to bypass the Ministry of Home Affairs and go directly to the top tiers of government and apply to have my citizenship reinstated. I managed to get some help from an immigration agent in Windhoek just to ensure that the paperwork does not disappear when it gets submitted to the Namibian government and that there is a tracking number. Cost a few bucks. It is working out to be an expensive trip, even while volunteering does ensure reduced accommodation.

Reunion with My Sister

The plus point, I met my sister for the first time in 40 years. The last time we saw each other, I was like six years old or something. Although I doubt it will be a lasting relationship, I am glad I met her. We seem to have a lot in common, personality-wise.

It would have been nice to know her, growing up. It is a pity that my other half-sister prefers not to meet. I guess, after all that transpired over the years with my dad. I can’t blame her. It has left many scars. I miss him sometimes, but we also hardly knew each other, so, it is probably silly.

Strain

Not sure what is happening with my other half-brother. I also barely know him. Saw him at my dad’s funeral in 1994 the last time, and only when I was four years old before then, apparently. I can’t remember it. He has followed us on Facebook afterwards, although I noticed I have been scrapped from the Friend’s list a while ago.

It just seems that every time he was visiting a relative I haven’t met or have not seen in a very long time, there is some hesitation or strain when I ask to meet. Maybe I have it all wrong, but it feels like a lot is being said about the amount of digging I have been doing with the genealogy research. No idea why. I merely would like to know more about the family, and where we come from, the intention was never to open up old wounds. Oddly enough, I am not the one who spotted this pattern, Hein is.

I still wish I can get a hold of my dad’s military records. After several requests from the Military Archives, I consistently get notified that according to their records, he never served in the military. Despite the names of the military bases which I got from the rest of the family where he was stationed, the South African Military Archives still can’t seem to track his records. The photo my mom had where my dad had his military uniform on, vanished. I must be going nuts. I remember seeing it in her family albums in my younger days as clear as daylight. According to my mom, it never existed.

Continuing the Journey

Though the path may be uncertain, I am committed to finding a way. It’s not just about making ends meet; it’s about crafting a life that aligns with our values and passions. I may have to return to the corporate world in the near future. But I have found a passion and some meaning in volunteer work that the corporate life has rarely offered me, and I would very much like to keep doing so if I can.